My LA rider (directed at @LindseyMysse)

Like the Platonic ideal of a New York Times 36-hour vacationer, I will be spending the weekend in Los Angeles.

Herein find my travel rider, LA rev v.2.9.4


  1. Existential night terrors: they're going to happen and happen frequently. While physically restraining me, I'll need you to recite the Tibetan Book of the Dead until I acknowledge the inherently illusory nature of empirical reality. 
  2. I expect a new, spontaneous ekphrasis on the 110/105 Interchange each day, each applying a different school of art criticism. 
  3. Pools are part of the landscape, not to be touched.
  4. Beaches “ “.
  5. I’m not coming to pitch, but if we come up with a great idea for an anthologized YouTube Red series about the dream/erotic life of Twitter bots, I'm in. 
  6. Butter coffee is not a thing.
  7. I'm all about dystopia tourism provided there's coffee and maybe a nosh in close proximity. See note above re butter coffee.
  8. Fatherhood has annihilated my tolerance for alcohol, so kindly marshall every paternalistic instinct you have toward saving me from myself in that regard.
  9. Acceptable dynamic duo names (if/when it comes up): Meatboy & The Fantastic Fats, Boy Lindsey & The Dread Cascadian, The Swole Hellian and His Distended Bitch Boy, Truth & Consequences.


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